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Everyone has their own troubles. And I believe that we shouldn't compare because while it may seem that another person's troubles are lesser or greater than our own that really has no bearing on how we each experience them or deal with them. I've never understood the point of platitudes like "A lot of people have it worse than you" And that's supposed to make us feel better? Am I supposed to somehow take some joy from the fact that other people are more miserable than I am? I know it's just supposed to remind us to be grateful that things are not worse but if anything it's going to induce guilt, not thankfulness. And guilt on top of what you are already dealing with is unlikely to be helpful.

So when people get embarrassed (as sometimes happens) when they complain that their typically developing child is being unruly or failing to live up to their potential or whatever. And then these people will realize who they are talking to and apologize and try to minimize their own situation I always assure them that their troubles are every bit as valid as mine. That while their children may not have issues to the extent that my daughter does that doesn't mean they are not allowed to worry about their kids or whatever. And it's stressful! Parenting is stressful no matter what issues your child does or doesn't have. And beyond parenting life is stressful and it hands us all various problems and stresses and those problems and stresses are real and valid and other people's situations have no bearing on how we experience our own.

And then I read a blog in which a woman goes on at length about how she just didn't feel like knitting for the last few months but thankfully a friend intervened and now she is enjoying knitting again. And maybe because of the basket load of things we've been dealing with lately or maybe because underneath it all I'm just a bitter terrible person..but whatever the reason I read that and I want to punch someone in the nose*.


*I don't mean I want to punch HER in the nose. She seems like a really lovely person and I'm sure her life has genuine problems and concerns.

So this morning I noticed that my facebook was covered with ads for lupus treatments. I chuckled a bit about that and joked to my husband that "Dr. Facebook seems to think that I have lupus" Then I thought about it a bit and started to get creeped out because while I do not have lupus I am on a medication whose main uses are to treat lupus or to treat malaria. I don't know if FB just went with the one that was statistically more likely given my age and sex or if it chose lupus because I haven't been out of the country in a while or because I already have an autoimmune disease (generally my FB is covered in MS treatment ads.) I'm sure that at one point or another I googled the medication I was on. I don't know, I just find that a bit creepy. Time to drop IE so I can start using ad-blocker. I don't know that that will stop facebook from speculating about my health but at least I won't know about it.

Rough day


It was a rough day yesterday. Our daughter first decided (yet again) that she wanted to learn to speak. She does this once in a while, she'll dust off her hearing aide and sit in front of us asking us how to say various words while she attempts to repeat them. She had years and years of speech therapy which achieved two things- she could blow out a candle and she could make a vocalization on cue. Even with amplification she is unable to hear voice tones, add to that her autism which had a much greater impact on her when she was younger and the chances of her having speech were never great. During the time when she had the most speech therapy she was having the most trouble engaging with people. If you can't look at the speech therapist it is nigh on impossible to imitate them. Her speech therapist eventually gently recommended that we quit. She continued to receive speech therapy through the schools.

I always feel the need to explain these things lest people think we just didn't give it that old college try. And yesterday I had the odd experience of explaining it to our daughter. To once again try and get across why speech is probably not something she will have much luck with and why she should revel in the ways she can communicate (like signing) because some people have neither speech NOR sign.

She seemed to accept that but then apparently decided that autism was the culprit and looked for a solution to that online. This threw me because she doesn't usually seem to have a problem with being autistic. She will sight it as the reason she is good with details and good at art. She will point out the things people with autism often excel at.

When you look for cures for autism online you will find them in droves. There are people who are well meaning but misguided and there are people who are just charlatans preying upon people (mostly parents) who would give anything to help their kids. I don't want to go into the particular "cure" she wanted to try. It was something we actually tried when she was young that has since fallen out of favor with all but a hopeful few. At first I just tried explaining that to her but she didn't want to believe it. We went around the tree about that for quite a while. Then eventually I got her to Google the thing and pointed out how dubious the sources were that supported it. The first recognizable news source had a story debunking it. This threw her into despair. It's so completely heart wrenching to have your child sobbing uncontrollably about anything but to have it be this- that she thought for a moment she could change something fundamental about herself and found that she could not...I can't begin to describe how that felt. My despair quickly turned to white hot hate for those who would sell false hope. But that didn't last long because who has the time? After a bit she was able to be comforted and we went back to the business of life.

I love you to pieces and I'm happy for you that you got a chance to have a bit of pampering. But for the love of little green apples WHY must you post pictures of your (in process) pedicure. You knew that was a picture of someone clipping your toenails BEFORE you uploaded it to Facebook, right? *shudder*

Dec. 16th, 2012


Sometimes a deep and overwhelming crush-you-until-you-feel-like-you-can't-draw-a-breath depression feels like the right response to life. Or if not "right" at least proportionate.

On top of having MS, I've now been diagnosed with undifferentiated connective tissue disease. So not only do I have an immune system that thinks my brain is the enemy but it also attacks the stuff that holds everything together. I've several times accidentally referred to it as my "autoimmune" system.

Last episode of House


No spoilers, I am as unspoilered as anyone else who saw the promo.


So I assume they are going to kill House tonight. They've killed him in almost every season finale, it would seem a bit weird not to kill him for the series finale. I just hope whatever they end up doing tonight is good, it was a good series it deserves a good ending. (I want to say it was a great series but..Tritter, Huddy, etc.)

Hugh Laurie was awesome all the way through though, no matter what the writers threw at him. I'm sure tonight will be no exception.

I'm particularly attached to this series and to the character of House and not just because I would happily watch Hugh Laurie read the Sunday Times. We started watching it during a time when I was very sick and waiting to find out what was going on with me that was causing all sorts of delightful nuero symptoms. And, because life is not House, we had weeks and months of time to kill in between MRIs and various fun tests. (Spinal taps? Surprisingly not as bad as they look. Though to be fair they look pretty darned heinous.)

It was a nice bit of escapism to watch a show that takes place in a world where tests results come back in minutes not weeks. And where a team of doctors literally worked together in one room to figure out what was going on rather than sending each other emails and memos. When my PT had me start using a cane (it was that or I was not allowed to go outside by myself though I'd like to know how my HMO expected to enforce that) we joked that we would tell people I was just a really big House fan. (Never happened- people were nervy enough to ask about my cane but I wasn't nervy enough to be a smart aleck about it. Nowadays I just tell people I have balance issues, telling people you have MS is just asking to hear either about their friend who died within six months of being diagnosed or their second cousin who has it but "Doesn't let it get him/her down" and "still runs marathons" Mazel tov. My favorite are the people (yes, more than one) who look at me quizzically and say "You have a mess?"

But I digress. I will miss House the character, it was cathartic to see him railing against his pain and his body failing him instead of keeping a stiff upper lip like everyone expects people to do.

Jan. 16th, 2012


This journal is quickly just becoming a Sherlock Holmes fan-page and I am quite ok with that. My husband is taking care of blogging our real life right now and doing a far better job of it than I would so I'll let him have at it.

And I feel very silly saying this but if you happen to be a Sherlock Holmes fan but somehow have missed every incarnation ever of Riechenbach Falls then run away from your monitor and go read/watch one of them. I'll wait. Additionally if you are in the US and haven't seen the last episode of season 2 of Sherlock turn back, I don't want to risk spoiling any details for you. Other than to say- I am jealous of you for still getting to look forward to seeing it for the first time because hells yes, it is that good.


Haha, I write all that like I have readers....anyhoo..

We went and saw the new Sherlock Holmes movie and adored it. I liked it even better than the first one and I liked the first one very well. Normally I'm not one for action movies but I do like the Guy Ritchie films I've seen and I think he does a bang up job with these. And owing largely to the heart breaking look on R.D.Jr's face just before the climax of the film I thought- "That's it, no one is ever going to do that scene better" And then...Sherlock..Oh, how that show killed me. In a good way of course. Sherlock on the phone with John? CRYING? Too gorgeous. And the jump itself seemed to me to be very reminiscent of the one in the Granada series. Pretty stuff all around. Here's hoping John doesn't have to wait three years for the big reveal. Watson had Mary, John doesn't so I hope they don't prolong his suffering. Because poor, poor John. Such a good job by both actors, really gorgeous stuff.

Latest episode of Sherlock


I adored this, and can't wait to rewatch it, every minute of it was totally delicious. I cracked up at John's "Who knows about Sherlock but I'M NOT GAY, if anyone cares!" Hee, sorry John, no one cares. It was such a funny little shout out to the fans and fanfic writers. Yes, yes, we all know John loves the womens but I don't think even a bald faced statement like that will stem the tide of Sherlock/John fic or musings or what have you. It's interesting how much people want to see romance in every close relationship.

I was a bit afraid with what direction they would go with Sherlock and I was pleased to see them humanizing him a bit. The idea of Sherlock Holmes high functioning sociopath is kind of delightful in it's own way but it's good to see him apologizing to Molly and sticking up for Mrs. Hudson.

About his interactions with Irene Adler- fabulous! Lovely to see him thrown like that and I think they did a great job with his fascination with her. And she was so well cast! Really the casting director for this thing needs a Bafta or an Emmy if they haven't already gotten one, or a armful of them.

We sucessfully moved our stuff, ourselves and our five cats back to the West Coast. Quite the ordeal especially for my husband (who along with my SIL drove the whole way with five cats in the car. A heroic fete indeed.)

Mar. 19th, 2011


A fun thing about my kids getting older is listening to their recolections of things that happened when they were younger.

Recently our daughter was asking me about her 48 hour EEG. To her it was apparently a pretty pleasant memory of unlimited screen time, eating in bed and being introduced to the wonders of Crayola's air dry clay. (Via the art cart.) Not mentioned- the glue that stayed in her hair for a week because she could only take so much of me using acetone on her at one time or the fact that she was terrified of the guy whose job it was to refil the diode goo as it dried up. (He had this huge syringe like thing that he had to use on the diodes which were on her head so you can hardly blame her for being leery.) I'm glad for the way she recalls the ordeal. Children are amazingly resilliant. And I'm grateful for all the tests and medical procedures that she doesn't remember.

Like the time she had to be knocked out for an MRI and it took four nurses to get the IV into her. Whatever blessed drug they gave her that day had an amnesiac affect and by the time she woke up she didn't even remember dropping our son off at school before we went to the hospital. All she took away from that event, even on the very day it happened was her a Barbie doll (a freebie from the Children's hospital. Whoever it was who donated that Barbie, you forever have a place in my heart.)